I've Had My Share

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There are a lot of lonely people in the world.  And it seems that when it comes right down to it.  Each and everyone of us just wants to be loved.  And yes.  That includes me--The Sex.  Lately, the majority of the people that I have met through my blog have seemed apprehensive about using sites like adam4adam even for something as simple as a fuck--let alone to find a date.

Regardless of what my blog acquantances are looking for, they all seem to echo a common complaint.

They are looking for quality.

I've often wondered why hundreds of people sit on these Internet sex sites everyday and aren't hooking up and meeting each other for raunchy sex.  It's because these men, dare I say it, are looking for someone who really rocks their boat.

Whereas all I want to find is a guy with a decent body (face doesn't really matter), decent ass, decent dick, who likes to talk dirty, and wants to have sex on a weekly regular basis.  He can give me a fake name, I won't really care.  As long as he is attitude free and here to have fun.

Why am I like this?

I think its because I've had my share of the crying game.  Somewhere after my second long term relationship broke-off, I think I decided subconsciously that no matter how much I felt a guy, I wouldn't show him.  Call it a defense mechanism.  But there is a lot of game playing out there.  And in my relatively short time on earth, I feel like I know all there is about the crying game, and I have had my share of it.  And honestly, I'm tired of it.

Yesterday, I told you that a few years ago, I was faced with a new game.  I got a telephone call from the mysterious Samantha Fox--a woman who claimed to have met me at a youth conference in Los Angeles almost ten years earlier.  But I had no memory of her. 

And then it clicked.  I knew who Samantha Fox was.

I asked her, Ryan?  Is this you?

There was silence on the telephone.  Yes Bernard.  I used to be Ryan., but now I'm Samantha,  she said.  I started laughing nervously.  Why didn't you just tell me it was you instead of playing guessing games?  I asked.  She replied, I dídn't know how you would accept me.

The very handsome Ryan, that I had a crush on in high school, had taken a trip to Brazil and had sex re-assignment surgery.  He was now a woman.  He even sent me a few pictures on the Internet.  He was hot as a fox.  I couldn't see any traces of the former guy that I knew.

I was happy and sad.  Happy because I was talking to my old crush and he seemed to be pleased with his transformation.  But in a way, Ryan had died.  I would never get to see him again--and that made me want to cry. 

Comments

[david]

My policy is to BE quality. Quality people attract other quality people.

[Fratman1906]

I still have some reservations about sex changes and understand your feeling that "in a way, Ryan had died." You are very right on one level. The Ryan that you remembered and the masculinity that attracted you is now gone. The replacement is now female, and if you had been attracted to females, then you would not have connected with Ryan the way that you did. I still try to understand folks who claim they feel like a woman inside trying to get out. I feel like a man who wants a man. If a man puts on a dress and make up (drag), I am out the door. I don't knock it for those who are attracted. I simply have a different preference. But, back to your post, when the time is right for you, you may give your heart and love again. No matter how hard the cement, a tender blade of grass can break through and show that life (and love) are unconquerable. Shem hotep.

[Stallion]

It's because you just a low Rent Slut!

Tell the truth some time.

[That Dude Right There]

It's strange that I have never had my heart broken, but I still won't show a guy all of me. Like you said, it's a defense mechanism. I have seen what has happened to other people when they get their feelings hurt, and it will not happen to me.

[JP]

I am 26 year old attractive educated virgin guy. I wish I could find an attractive, masculine, top brotha who appreciates me for me but I've had no luck. I often cry myself to sleep. I pray. I sulk in my loneliness by my lonesome. It's hard. It's very painful. At 26, I am too old to give my virginity to just anyone so I don't hook up on adam or men4n, but it doesn't seem that people are interested in anything beyond hooking up. Hopefully my prince charming arrives before I turn 30.

Re: Samantha - That's who I thought it was. Forget the sex change. Why in the world would someone hold on to a dude number for 10 years and not call??

[Linear Jones]

Whereas all I want to find is a guy with a decent body (face doesn't really matter), decent ass, decent dick, who likes to talk dirty, and wants to have sex on a weekly regular basis. He can give me a fake name, I won't really care. And as long as he gets paid

Having read your blog for a few months...this couldn't be more unconvincing, you know.

Each and all are looking to be loved. Each and all are also looking for The Sex. The two are not exclusive or contradictory. The two are not always complementary either.

Gay sex sites appeal to the carnal need but neglect our loftier ambitions. The sex may satisfy, though a physical want fulfilled wiht not satiate an emotional need ignored. Then there is the guilt inherent - cause by a variety of factors, many of which we don't even realize.

The trick? Just relax. Enjoy the Sex. Seek the Love. If we're lucky we find both in equal measure. Cake eaten. Most times it's not the case and we compromise for a happiness Gestalt of a good man with some occasional pickle tickle that rocks the socks.

[darion tariq]

i know plenty of people who have the same mentality that you do about the crying game. i find myself there every so often and have to pull myself out of that slump. it's just my own personal preference to not want to hook up with everything that walks. i think that if you honestly and truly find that connection with someone then you will be more than happy you let your heart go.