Mysterious Meetings (Anonymous Sex pt 3)

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It's been a while since I've written about SAMMY SOSA.  If you remember, the dark and sexy SAMMY SOSA and I shared a bit of fintimacy.  And on our first encounter we exchanged that four letter word to one another. 

L O V E

My evening encounter with SAMMY was absolutely amazing.  It was just what I needed.  To be wrapped up with a dark brother with a great body who not only wanted to have sex with me, but who wanted to kiss and cuddle.'

It was the summertime.  FRIEND (my number one guy, see who's who) had decided to take a hiatus from me and stopped talking to me.  While I wasn't depressed, I must admit that I was a little lonely.  My encounter with SAMMY filled a void.

After our shared intimacies...and our orgasms.  We laid under my air conditioner.  Spent.  We made pillow talk.  And laughed and fiddled with each other while the television music videos played the closing soundtrack to our affair.

So when am I going to see you again?  he asked.  It was the question that I wanted to hear.  I defininitely wanted to meet up with him again.  But its a question that I have heard many times from men that have (and haven't) interested me.

The question means nothing.  The truth comes when a guy actually arranges that second meeting and follows through.  I told him that we could meet up anytime and that I was game for a part two.  I crossed imaginary fingers in my mind, hoping that he would actualy follow through.

For some reason he didn't believe me.  It was endearing.  So he decided to leave a pair of his driving gloves in my apartment.  I'll come back to get them, he said.  They were a pair of expensive leather gloves.  Classy.  Both the gloves and the sentiment.

He left and I had a great night sleep dreaming of my new friend.

I saw SAMMY two more times after that, but we spoke on the telephone pretty regularly.  It was hard for us to nail down meeting dates.  Everytime we spoke he was always either going to or coming back from some meetings.  Which was odd, because the next time that I saw him he was wearing a hotel uniform--he was a hotel deskman.  I thought, what hotel deskman has a lot of business meetings to attend?

We kept talking on the phone.  And he kept telling me how busy he was.  I told him that he could come by late at night afterwork.  He told me that wasn't possible.  He said that he had roommates and that he had to respect their house rules and be in by a certain time.

I was confused.  This man was clearly in his late twenties.  There was no way he had a curfew.  Was he just avoiding me?  I didn't think so.  He was always calling me and we were constantly talking on the telephone.  We just weren't meeting.

And then in one of our telephone conversations he told me that he had something to explain to me.  He said, I know you're wondering what's going on with my living arrangement and all the meetings that I am going to.  And I want to tell you, but I am nervous to let you know what's up.

I said, I think I know what's going on.

You do? he asked.  Yeah, you're a closeted brotha who's also a Jehovah's Witness, I answered.

We both laughed, but I was serious.  He had this serious passionate energy that you see in devoutly religious men.  But he assured me that he wasn't deeply religious.

I started getting worried.  I asked, Are you married?

No.

Are you a drug dealer? I asked.

No.

Are the meetings dealing with anything illegal? I asked.

No, not really.

Are you HIV positive? I asked.

No.

Ok then what is it that you feel nervous telling me, I asked.  He said, I'll tell you when I see you in person, he said, it's not something I can get into over the telephone. 

I was worried as hell.  What is it that SAMMY had to tell me that he couldn't tell me over the phone.  What could it be?

We finally met a few days later on a Sunday afternoon.  It was a lazy day, and he came over and we tried to match the day's mood.  We laid up with each other and made out for about an hour before I sat up next to him and told him to spill the beans.

He told me that years ago he loved to drink.  And that his drinking turned into drugs.  And his drug use turned into a serious problem.  He was addicted, and his addiction placed him in the company of a lot of bad people and violent encounters.

I got a little worried. Do you still use drugs? I asked.  No, he said, that's what I wanted to tell you about.  All those meetings I go to?  They are Narcotics Anonymous meetings.  Since, I am new to the area, I go to meetings everyday, and I am trying to go to 90 meetings in 90 days.  And I am staying in a co-op where all the people in the house have dealt with addiction issues.  I am the newest person and we have rules and curfews.  So that's why I never have come over after 10pm.

Everything made sense.

His interest.  His lack of presence.  Even his willingness to be so intimate with me so quickly.  He was going through something and was reaching out for intimacy.

I grabbed a hold of him.  And we had another session of amazing sex. 

But after his disclosure, I never saw him again.  He stopped returning my calls.

Comments

[Quentin Ergane]

Aww. You should check up on him. I am not gonna echo these HATERS. I think it embarassed him to tell you this about himself. You know how men are. He wanted to be intimate, but I think he was more intimate than he realized he wanted or could be, you know?

I respect him for doing something about his addiction. I do.

*hugs*

I'm sorry.

[Procrastination_Xtravaganza]

"What a fuckin' crackhead!" That was my initial response when I read how the relationship ended. Then I was like, damn, that's kinda harsh, cause he actually may have been a crackhead!

In any case, I'm so over these clowns who grow reticent after revealing some deep dark secret that most people would run from, and you accept it. Twice in recent memory a good friend of mine started to get to know a guy, who after some reluctance revealed they were HIV positive. My friend, being the cool ass progressive that he is, was like "okay, so what?" It seems the case that many of us would run once we were confronted with such news, but not my boy. Anyway, both times, after the revelation, the other dude started pulling away or actin stupid!

In an age where requirements "no fats, no fems, no std's, no druggies," seem to populate the fuck sites and personals, you'd think a fat/fem/std/druggie would appreciate someone who was conncious enough to accept them for who they are, but it seems that many are so expectant of rejection at their revalation, that they don't even know how to handle acceptance! What the fuck?

[Reg]

Cool post. I really love the way you write, by the way. In any case, I'm sorry to hear than your boy's not calling back. Hopefully, things are not getting worse for him.

Me.

[Joseph]

That is sad. Not that he was in NA (cuz the way I see it we all have some addiction), but that you guys didn't see each other again? Porque?

[Fratman1906]

There's always a catch. Amazing how the truth doesn't always set you free, but may instead create a wall or new line of defense. I suspect he didn't want you to leave him because of his revelation, so he booked first. Sad. Shem hotep.

[playaj]

(this comment features less windiness & more contrition) the very last line of the original post never registered with me, until now. typical newbie comment behavior.

its a bittersweet story and a sad ending. but im a romantic...uhhh i mean, an optimist. he will call back eventually. text message him next week. you are both still dreaming about the other. i will light a candle for both of ya.

[Boogie]

*Sigh* Seems like there is always a catch with people...

[thatguyheath]

Wow, man. This guy has a lot of nerve! He dumps this baggage on you and then he bails.
Typical man behavior.

[kristen]

Wow Bernard. my emotions are still trying to catch up with what I just read.

I must admit that I am saddended that after opening up to you he stopped returning your phone calls. It's as if he was frigtnened of the intimacy that you offered-almost as if he wanted you to clown or otherwise diss him for being in recovery. this could've turned into something great, but his unwillingness to go further was unfortunate.

i said it once and i'll say it again: why do all of your relationships (if you can call them that) always fall short of the finish line?

[Playa J]

im feelin ya here in San Diego KALI:

• immediate & intense (but manufactured) sense of intimacy


• amazing, phenomenal, out-of-this-world sex & reciprocal lust


• the hope that something good (in whatever sense: fuckbuddy++, friend++, companion++) could come out of all this


• mutual physical attraction


• excitement of a new & fresh squeeze


• feeling a man who:
  • is actively in recovery or
  • who needs to start 12-stepping it


• making out for hours with no urgency to lay pipe

man you jacked my script! but your version ROCKS. ive been in all of those places in the past year. ive been through so much bonding and pseudo-bonding recently as to throw my body into a temporary bio-chemical imbalance.

"His interest. His lack of presence. Even his willingness to be so intimate with me so quickly. He was going through something and was reaching out for intimacy."

in the quest for intimacy we often overlook details and hints that give a more rounded impression of the other.
case in point. in a recent phone conversation, a hookup candidate told me he had to attend a meeting at 7pm. ON FRIDAY. i go, 'oh is it a 12-step meeting?' and then supported him and praised the recovery movement. (hes still a hookup candidate.) i picked up on this only because i had an (ex)BF in recovery this year.

considering that you are a condom-absolutist (even for going downtown), it is a question why the topic of HIV status wasnt discussed before this time in the mutual discovery process. (granted i have not read all your blog postings and maybe you talk about this somewhere.)

Sometimes it doesnt make any sense to ask:

-- will i see you again?
-- will you flake out on me if we set up a rendez-vous?
-- will you answer when i call?
-- will you return my emails?
-- are your answers to these questions lies or motivated by good intentions?

basically, these questions mean:
-- can i trust you (with my heart, body, attention, etc.)?

im curious about this statement Bernard:

He had this serious passionate energy that you see in devoutly religious men.

would you point me to a blog posting where you describe this?

Tremendous 3-part posting on Mr. Sosa. Your style is the bomb.

[Linear Jones]

Did you never see him again because of his drug-issues or his lack of honesty/openess about them?