First Kisses

Taye Diggs kissing Eric McCormack (photo courtesy of Pink Mafia Radio)

The first interracial gay kiss took place on network television place last week on Will & Grace.  Call me a hater.  But I am not amused.

Where is the black on black gay (network) kiss?  Will we ever get to see one? 'Why does it seem like the new revolutionary project of the naughts is for men of color to be physically intimate with one another?  We should be a bit surprised that in 2006, we are witnessing interracial gay kisses before we are seeing non-white intraracial kisses.

Are Asian, Black, and Latino kisses that deadly or powerful that they need white partners for audience acceptance?  Or is it that men of color can't desire one another, that we all really secretly want white men?  What's the message?

What I think is special is that we have seen the first interracial network kiss before we've witnessed the first black on black, brown on brown, or yellow on yellow intra-racial kiss. We saw plenty of black on black heterosexual kisses before Captain James T. Kirk planted his lips on Lt. Uhura back in 1968--television's first interracial kiss.

It's just...

sigh

...it was Taye Diggs.  And I know how many men of color would love the visual of Tay Diggs and another brother.  And on our first network kiss at bat, we got Taye Diggs...and Will.  Sigh. 

Sure it's a comedy.  Maybe I'm taking it too far.  Afterall, my first gay kiss wasn't with a black man.  He was a fine ass Mexican.  And upon closer introspection, I think I realize where some of this is coming from.

I think it's the sense of entitlement that I feel that many white men seem to feel that they are due when they are seeking out black men.  It's those white men that hit me up repeatedly on the Internet after I have told them that I am not interested, and they hit me up with the same tired lines like: I have some hot tight white hole for ya, or I just love the color of black men.  And I detest how the same guy will hit up EVERY black guy on the system.  It's like: Have black skin?  Won't discriminate.

It makes my skin crawl.

So I admit.  My reaction to the Taye Digg's Will & Grace kiss is in part a reaction to how I perceive the white male desire of black men.

And I've said repeatedly that I really have nothing against interracial dating.  I know in my heart that there are good white men in the world.  I dated one (even though he would never admit he has a thing for black men).  So I am not putting down interracial love, I just want to give intraracial love a much needed boost.

Because looking at television...it seems like we need one.

Comments

[ann]

People are less moral than 30 years ago

[taylor Siluwé]

Bernard ...

... I think you are gonna be the person I most love to disagree with.

First off ... it WAS a first. Period.

And with the almost pathological fear that most black men (even some gay ones) have about being 'perceived' as gay ... it was a giant leap forward.

Other actors will follow.

And what's wrong with playfully 'fetishizing' someone? I've done it. Still do.

In Atlanta, I once dated a guy because he looked like Macauley Culkin. Yes, I worked out some little white boy fantasies with him. Sadly, he dumped me for a guy who was bigger and blacker.

It would be politically incorrect to ask some cute Native American boy to dress up like an Indian and blow me ... but it would be hot as hell. Especially if he took a break every now and then to say 'How'.

I LOVE Asian men too. Love 'em just because they're Asian. So what? Does that mean I'm not interested in their history and culture? Well ... when I spy them from a distance, those things don't come into play as I'm deciding whether I wanna fuck them or not.

It's not all so black and white ... there are many many shades of gray in the middle.

But most of all, we've got another black male actor who isn't afraid to play gay.

It's wonderful. Be happy.

[Luvs]

You know B, I agree with you on most things but damn! It's only skin color! Aren't we as gay men and women hated on enough that now we have to start hating on each other? We need to stop the bullshit and look out for each other no matter what color a person skin is. I don't care who he was kissing, just be glad he's a show kissing a man. That's something you wouldn't have seen 20 years ago. Progress baby!

[Quentin Ergane]

See, I am glad I don't watch that show because I would have thrown a fit. FUCK that it's Will, *I* should be kissing Taye Diggs.

... and yes, one of us should kiss Taye before Will.

My first kiss was with Corky (a nickname) Chavis who is Indian. I was absolutely drunk on his lips.

And those guys you talk about -- I know them, too. Isn't it something? Long ago, like when I was a kid, I decided I would not sleep with any white man who identifies as a "chocolate queen"... until that moment I found myself doing the same thing to Asian men (his name was Daisuke) who did it back to me (by asking me to get blue contacts and color my hair blond... I was so hurt and pissed... and I wiled out, totally). I talked to my mentor about it who asked me whether I got to know him as a person or whether I liked him because he was Japanese. Caught. I elected to "give in" to one of the creepy chocolate queens who, pretty much, stalking me. It was punishment. I needed to understand the lesson of racial/ethnic objectification and fetishism. We had sex twice. I did not let him bully me into topping him first and afterwards, I knew it would never happen again. I topped him and knew I had done everything I needed to do, my punishment was over.

I don't think we have enough serious conversations about this. As you know, I am in a relationship with a white man right now. And yes, he does fit my guidelines. What I sometimes find disturbing is the way people assume, because I am with him, that I have not been with other B/black men or that he is indicative of my "type" -- but I don't have a type... except energy/mental-wise. The first man I loved was B/black. The first dick I sucked belonged to a B/black man. The first dick I rode belonged to a B/black man... and they weren't even the *same* one -- which is the sad thing... and why I wasn't kissed is the Lord's knowledge.

BUT, to answer a question or offer a perspective... over Christmas, I read Hung. It was interesting -- I think you would really like the writing style in the first half of it. Anyway, Scott-Poulson talks about interracial porn and he talks to this producer, a white guy, who said that when he creates those scenes, he does it to reflect HIS fantasies, not ours.

I would imagine it is not so different when it comes to Will & Grace. Some white man is projecting his fantasies onto the prime time gay white screen. It is not supposed to make us feel... turned on (look at Diggs's body language -- whether acting or not, it seems against his will and I doubt the Will character would care OR that the men who chase us (and our mythical big black dicks) and definately not the producers of the show), it is supposed to make THEM turned on -- furthering the totality of white supremacy and domination for gay white and white-identified America.

bell hooks calls television the biggest exporter of white supremacist morals and values in her book Killing Rage. She even goes so far as to imply that the ruin of the B/black community is due to uncritical exposure to tv where we absorb white supremacy without questioning the thought and rhetoric it is spinning through our minds and imaginations....

Um... I am going to stop geeking out now...

[KeithR]

Bernard I could not agree with you more and I'm so glad you pointed this out. Most other bloggers covering this show were too scared or too blind to have brought it up. About 98% of the time Black men are portrayed in the 'gay media' (outside of porn films) we are shown partnered with white men. Yet if white men were partnered with Black men 98% of the time they were shown in the gay media white men would not stand for it. So why should we? Most SGL Black men actually prefer Black partnersas most whte men prefer white partners. But what is so sad is the fact that most Black people lack the insight to understand how negatively such portrayals effect us and the way we are viewed by society.

TV shows, movies, magazine ads, even fine art photography are much more than just entertainment They are also powerful forms of social propoganda which influence how we feel about ourselves and how others see us. And the subtle message of teh Taye Diggs episode and other interracial portrayals is really is one of inequality. Showing Black people with Black people most of the time would make us seem equal to whites. But showing us with other races most of the time makes us look like we despise our own people, thus reinforcing the notion that most of us are inferior. This racist way of portraying us has operated for years in the heterosexual community in the form of dark skinned Black men always being paired with light skinned Black women (or pale women of color who aren't even Black) as partners. And it still operates very powerfully in the hetero community.

Since the 9th grade I've attended mostly white schools and worked with mostly white people. My best friend is white as are many of my other close friends. I have had only great relationships with white people all of my life. But I also love who I am enough to have no reason to despise Black on Black relationships and those are the only romantic relationships I pursue. Its appalling how seldom such relationships are portrayed in the world of SGL people not just on TV but in magazines, movies, books, etc. etc. etc.

[Scott]

I must admit I haven't seen the show yet, however my view is that until we get more black writers to write on our experience, you will only get a white writer's point of view. Of course the other question is maybe the black writers who are available aren't being hired. I still believe that if there are more of us knocking on the networks door with our work, they will show black life because our people contribute to their ratings. As an aspiring writer, I hope to one day be walking in one of those doors.

[Vincent D.]

I am a Asian with a mix-bf (black-white-American Indian).

The equation looks complex enough, but we choose to ignore it; even though some people, even blacks, act surprised when they see us.

Peace.

[Coquito]

Baby steps Bernard, baby steps. Try to look at it this way... we are making strides and one day gay life on every day T.V. will be a common occurrence (At least I hope so.)

[naturalblkluv]

I wasn't impressed, two heterosexual married men, one with kids, getting paid more than most Americans make in yr to force kiss. I wasn't excited and the Mandingo in banana republic fem fantasy isn't working either...something isn't right America.

[tL]

hahahahahaha @ you still. white gay men got your mind, bernard. it's quite sad.

[Linear Jones]

Oh crap I didn't close my bolding....

[Linear Jones]

There are multiple conflicts/taboos at work here.

1. a gay kiss
2. an interracial gay kiss
3. masculine/feminine examinations within the gay community at large and how the hetero masses perceive this from outside
4. a show from a primarily white perspective behaving color blind but only in the way that a majority can be colorblind

Now, consider the W&G audience. Mostly white. Mostly straight. Both by the math of the population. The show has to cater to that audience and use the black character in a non-threatening way that fits in with the audience's view. Hence, Taye's character was 'black' primarily in skin color. He wasn't even American! (This eventually trails into the whole dirth of quality black-oriented programming, which is another discussion for another day, though I've been thinking about it since seeing Something New yesterday with a racially-mixed group of friends and realizing that movie is 'told' from a black perspective.)

Is W&G the place for a black on black gay kiss? No. Noah's Arc was. (Remember the hubbub over thirtysomething's lesbian kiss back in the 80s? Exactly.) Why is Noah's Arc not on network tc? Because the audience math doesn't enable it to be so. Not saying this is right, wrong or in between. It just is.

Ok, I could go on forever and am mainly just recording thoughts I had after reading Bernard's post and that getting mixed together with my reactions to that movie yesterday. Toss in the notion that W&G - a show not known for racial diversity/sensitivity/relevance - did not do a potential part of its audience well...it's a lot to chew on.

[Tofer]

Well, on the reverse side, there is a huge population of black gay men who are ONLY into white guys and wouldn't even consider dating another black guy. It goes both ways.