Sexual Doldrums (part two)

Jaleel White also known as Steve Urkel

We all reach points in life when things get so still that we almost lose our minds.  Lately, my sex life has experienced the doldrums.  And they have had me doing and thinking some crazy things.  Somethings that even make me shake my head in disbelief.

I was contemplating going on a sex date with a white guy who sounded absolutely amazing.  We had just had a great conversation about the importance of sex and he and I sounded like a dead on match.  We decided to have a conversation later that evening in order to arrange our meeting time.  So I called him and we decided on a time. 

We kept shooting the breeze, and somehow we got sexual interests.  He told me, I don't really enjoy having sex with white men.  They don't seem to have a lot of flavor.  They tend to be boring.  Even though I am white, my dad is from Jamaica so I tend to get along with men of color.

Yellow Alert. Warning.  I thought to myself.

Then he added, By the way, what's your ethnicity?

Red Alert.  Danger.  Strike three.  There was no way I was going on a date with this guy now.  I am black, I told him.  But in the back of my head I said, But you knew that I was black.  You saw my picture in my ad--along with my description that said in capital letters that I was black.  Now he was trying to pretend as though he didn't know I was black.  Even though I am positive that is the main reason he approached me in the first place.

That type of fake wannabe perceived as being racially blind stuff pisses me off.  I hurried off the phone, and never called him back.

My sexual doldrums were impairing my thinking, but they didn't remove my brain.  But my encounter with the white guy wasn't my only moment of impairment.

For example, last week I hopped on my bike to ride to my neighborhood gym to an evening workout.  As I left out of my apartment building, a brown skinned guy, also on a bike, rode past and asked me for the time.

I stopped, and he moved closer, and I told him the time.  When he got closer, I noticed that he wore glasses that sat atop smooth caramel skin.  If it were possible, he looked like a thinner version of Family Matters's Steve Urkel.  But I always thought that there was some sex appeal to Steve Urkel.  And I was experiencing my second week of celebacy--so the man in front of me was looking like a Ritz cracker to a starving man.

To my surprise, STEVE URKEL started asking me a lot of what I thought were personal questions--like what was my apartment number and telephone number.  He asked me how much my bicycle cost, and when I told him it was a gift he wanted to know he purchased it for me. He told me that he liked to go to parties, and that he loved to drink.  And when he told me about his love of alcohol he let out a chuckle.

This conversation was odd.  And it was punctuated by him repeatedly wanting to shake my hand.  But as I listened to him more carefully, I realized that the young man was mentally retarded.  But his mental state didn't matter.  I wanted to have sex with him. 

So I started flirting with a mentally impaired person.  During one of his repeated handshakes I held on to his hand a little longer than usual.  And then I smiled at him.

After a minute of flirting, I realized that I had a mental problem.  Was I really doing this?  I remembered that I had to go to the gym and told STEVE goodbye.

I realized that I needed to get some good sex quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Comments

[Liquid Fonts]

To me,Chocolate Chasers and Snow Queens are just exaggerated versions of normal everyday human sexual interaction. I've had MIND BLOWING!! sex with guys who happened to be white. So what? Im confident within my own blacksculinity to allow it with the right guy. One white guy i'd like to digg into would be that gay dude on 6ftUnder, anybody who'd turn him away cuz he white got the same mental problem as someone who'd only want him cuz he's white.

[naturalblkluv]

Most white men think that blk men are here for their picking. Whatever institution we choose create, they think they have the right to enter and pick and choose which ever they want. They think we should be happy as a kid in a candy store because they think we are attractive. Furthermore, they think we are wrong, when we don't find them attractive. As I have told many, I don't find white men attractive nor do I find patronizing conversation stimulation. And wanting to have sex with the retarded guy was wrong, but when horny your mind functions awkwardly. But I am glad u sent him on his way, no need to have rain man at your door at 3 am.

[Reg]

Dang, that story was too funny.

[tL]

bernard, you are really ignorant. you call that white guy a chocolate chaser, but ALERT, you are one also. all I read about is your obsession with black men, especially dark-skinned ones. do you think just because you are the same race of the men you're chasing that it makes it somehow different? i don't follow that logic. why do you feel as a black man that you are entitled to chase after other black guys moreso than a white, latino, asian guy just because you're black? you're not, so get over yourself and stop putting people down. and btw, i'm black, so don't even think about coming back to me with some of that psycho-babble racist bullshit.

[Quentin Ergane]

I feel you.

When I am horny, horny... everybody looks like a possible feast.

And what if he WAS trying to push up on you?

Agreed... Steve Urkel was hot... and you could see how hung he was when he was older and wearing those high-waters... it was a touch obscene... but in that goooooood way.

*giggles*

[Wes]

Is it possible that the white guy was really asking you about your ethnicity and not your race? There is a difference.

I live in the Bedford-Stuyvesant area of Brooklyn, which at first glance appears to be a homogeneously black neighborhood. But a closer inspection uncovers a wide range of ethnic diversity: Jamaicans, Dominicans, Hatians, and black folks whose families have been in North America for generations. We are all Black, but there are some definite cultural differences.

Of course I was not part of your conversation, and alot depends on how he phrased the question and the tone he used. Like you, I have heard all the chocolate chaser's stories, but maybe, just maybe, this guy was on the level.

[michael]

Actually... I wouldn't be surprised if it was Jalee White... there is rumor he likes the fellas too.

[kristen]

and damn just when i thought you were about to get it on with a white dude some bull like this happens! i so wanted to hear the story of bernard bradshaw with a cracka (just joking)

but i am interested to hear some more about your past interracial experiences and thoughts on the subject (if you've already done so, kindly direct me to the proper post(s))

and one last thing:

'I realized that the young man was mentally retarded. But his mental state didn't matter. I wanted to have sex with him. '

damn you know the mentally retarded need love too!!

paz

[a]

Damn, man, damn, a challenged person. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. I hope you got that nut!

[Dylan]

I feel your pain!..am in the same situation.Everyday i go to the gym I fear I might rape someone-Lol!

[DeLisha]

Damn a steve urkel I say walk away and never look back u did the right thing