Bitch Shit

 

I really cannot stand bitch shit. 

A few years ago, I was applying to work on a project at the company that I already worked with.  The project manager was excited to have me on board, but said, I am impressed with your work, but I heard that you checked out and didn't complete a project.  What can you do to assure me that you won't do that if you come work for me?

I was puzzled.  What was he talking about?  What project didn't I ever complete?

When my integrity is questioned I take it personally.  I told her that I had never not completed a project at my job, and then I asked her, If you could tell me what project you're referring to, or who told you this, I would be more than happy to address your concerns specifically.

She answered, That's not so important.  I don't want to get into any names.

It clicked to me.  I knew who gave her the information.  It was a friend of hers who told her the information.  Someone at the job who didn't care for me.  So I put the project manager on blast, I know exactly who told you this.  It was Layla.  Let me assure you that I didn't ditch the previous project.  The company decided to not to pursue it because one of the chief directors thought that it wasn't a worthy time investment and that I should work on other projects.  If you don't believe me, ask the director.

She looked stupid. I don't know if she ever confirmed my version of the events, but I was hired to work on the project.

But I cannot stand when someone relays (and relies on) negative information about you--gained from a second-hand source--and then refuse to reveal their source.

That's simply BITCH SHIT, a.k.a., he said, she said antics.  And I refuse to participate in bitch shit.  Bitch shit occurs when people tell incomplete, inaccurate, or private information that they have no business spreading--and then are afraid (and refuse) to stand by the shit that they are smearing

Bitch shit is alive and well on the Internet and in sex.  A few times I have had guys hit me up saying things like, I heard you got some good ass.  or I was at a party and you came up and five guys started talking about your profile.  All of them had sex with you, and they didn't have nice things to say.

But when these people are pressed for questioning, they retreat.  They can't answer simple questions like, What was said about me?  or Who were the people who were talking about me?

It always ends in, I don't want to get into that, or I can't share their names. Then why approach me in the first place?

Bitch shit.

I personally believe that when it comes to sex, people should be able to enjoy a certain amount of sexual privacy as long as they are not hurting other people.  To have sex, suck dick, eat ass, or get fisted, and not worry about their names being spread around so that people can point fingers at them.

A few days ago, I told a story about sex party that I went to where a small group of people (including three black gay porn actors) were engaged in unprotected sex and drug use.  I have had a flurry of e-mails requesting that I identify the porn actors.  People have given me all sorts of reasons, including that I have no duty to protect their identity and that I didn't sign a confidentiality agreement.

But I am here to say that I am not going to get into any bitch shit.  I went to a private sex party and I think that the people at that party deserve a certain amount of sexual privacy.  Yes, I related incidents of my party in my story, but I was careful not to identify specific individuals.  I don't think it's my place to say that so-and-so was doing x, y, and z.

I know I wouldn't want anyone to do it to me.

I received a few letters saying that I should disclose the names of the porn actors because they are a threat to the other porn actors that they have sex with, and that the men at the party could be spreading HIV to others.  I got a similar letter from the adult entertainment company which employed them.

I think this is complete bullshit.

Those guys didn't force me to have sex with them unprotected.  They didn't have a problem when I pulled out my condoms and started using them.  The only way they can spread HIV to others is if someone lets them have unprotected sex with them.  And if some guy does that, then I think that he is assuming the risk.

What about the other porn stars they have sex with?  Again, I think they assume the risk.  If an adult entertainment site is concerned about the sexual health of its actors, then it will test their actors for HIV and STDs repeatedly and consistently--and not just the first time these young men sign up with the studio.  Heterosexual adult porn studios test their actors and models every three weeks.

Shouldn't we expect the same of black gay porn studios?

So no, I won't be participating in a sex panic witch hunt to "name the barebacking porn stars".  That's not my style.  And as much as I think that barebacking and drug use is stupid and indefensible, it's not my role to call out people who aren't being hypocrites and aren't forcing people to bareback.

Only bitches kiss and tell.

Comments

[Liquid Fonts]

Bernard,

Those guys on coco dont seem all that good looking or health conscious to begin with so im not surprised but what a fine why to illustrate who's responsible for their own behavior. Thanks Bernard.

[thatguyheath]

it's interesting because I read that two part post of yours and not once did I wonder who the porn stars were (hell, I couldn't get past the nipples that smelled like booty). I mean, what business is it of mine what they do when they're not on camera. I guess what I'm saying is this: you're right Bitches do kiss and tell, but they have to be prompted by SOMEONE.

[Linear]

Y'know, if it weren't for the fact that you are the first hand source, you'd be a shitting bitch.

That said, at least you have the balls to own what you've said/relayed and drawn your lines in the sand. Good for you.

[Quentin Ergane]

... personally, I wanted to know so I could look at them and whistle. I think what adults do is what adults do.

I can't BELIEVE you were contacted by CocoDorm... WOW! You are like a celebrity now!

Anyway, I agree with you, "The only way they can spread HIV to others is if someone lets them have unprotected sex with them. And if some guy does that, then I think that he is assuming the risk."

I have hated since I was a young fag coming up this idea that we are not responsible for our lives, that POZ folks have to brand themselves so negative folks know...

I like to read Craigslist. Free picture porn and a sampling of the erotic imaginations and possible hook-ups in my city as well as a read of what the community finds important, I have seen an increase in the number of people who want to have sex without condoms... WITH SOMEONE THEY ARE HOOKING UP WITH OVER AN INTERNET SITE! Why? Because they are negative and know they are negative. Now, because I like looking at real naked people, I go to manhunt, adam4adam, and CL and my memory is really tight (generally)... so imagine my feeling when I saw a guy that said he was poz on manhunt on CL advertising for barebacking sex AND saying he was negative.

I wasn't surprised, but a heavy feeling settled in my tummy.

I didn't out him, but I did write a post WARNING people of the dangers of having bareback sex (like the jackasses didn't already know) and told them that I knew at least one person was claiming to be neg and wanting bareback sex while on another site he said he was Poz. I got a lot of letters asking me to disclose but I wouldn't because the problem, as I see it, isn't with *him*, but with the people who think avoiding HIV/AIDS is as simple as passing information about who is and isn't instead of taking matters into their own hands and acting accordingly.

... I swear, sometimes, I write more in your blog than I do my own!

[Tim]

I think I need to start reading your blog more because you're been on point about a lot of serious shit.

[Thawtz]

Only bitches kiss and tell.

If the rest of the world could realize that, we'd probably have a lot less bitches running around. congradulations. you've just made my post of the week.

[Boogie]

Only bitches kiss and tell.

Thank you for my new mantra.

[Alex]

Great post. I really love your blog, and I had a first hand experience with Bitch Shit today. I'm in the process of coming out to my friends at school, and I told a few close friends if anyone asked about me being gay, just say yes. So this guy asked my friend and she says yes....so the guy tells his friend this morning on the bus, and the asshole tells his whole bus. Talk about putting business that wasnt even his out there. Now he acts like he never said that shit too. Then again...maybe I shouldnt have told my friends to say that? Well.....it's just dumb high school drama.

[kristen]

yes only bitches indeed. i am glad you won't be disclosing any names. i'm sure if any of those asking you to were at the party then then would not want their business in the street. it's trifling. glad to see you don't partake in the trifling.

peace