Embarrasing Moments

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Last week I was in LA in a whack hotel with a fruity--but kinda cute front deskman.  It was about 3 o'clock in the morning.  And I had just had a dream about my hotel frontdeskman.  He had flirted with me earlier that morning.  I went back to the front desk to pretend to get some ice, and to my surprise, I found the short black man stretched out in the lobby on an amazing exqusite (yet comfortable looking) divan.

He was snoring.  I was 101% sure that my front deskman was gay.  I was about 99% sure that he was attracted to me.  I sat next to his snoring body on the divan and reached to touch him just as he awakened.

He jumped.  He was startled to have someone hovering over him as he came out of his sleep.  It took him a moment to focus on my face and he looked at me with an expression like, Am I dreaming?  And then his huge soup cooler lips cracked and revealed a huge smile that quickly turned into a yawn as his short body undulated and stretched.

I was so tired, he said.  I know you're thinking, "What is he doing sleeping on the job?" he added.  I just sat and smiled, remaining silent.  So what are you doing up so late?  he asked.  And with that he put his hand on my leg. 

I gave him the excuse about wanting some ice.  Its good that I got to see you again.  Twice in one night.  He was still laying down.  I was still sitting.  He let out another big stretch and this time turn on his side. 

But just as his body repositioned, I heard a quick, short, crackling:

Brrrrupppp!

He farted.  It was one of those farts that just slipped out of his ass without intention.

I didn't know what to do.  A guy just farted while I was trying to get my mack on.  I didn't know what to do.  Should I laugh?  Should I pretend that I didn't hear anything?  I felt so embarassed for him that I almost wished I were the one who passed gas.

I almost wanted to get up and go.  But he kept talking.  Would I have to wait around and smell his gas?  And then it would be the pink gas in the lobby that the two of us would ignore.  Why was I being tormented.  All I wanted was a late night cop and feel session jn Los Angeles, before I woke up in the morning to return to Chicago--and instead I was being bombarded with flatulence.

Luckily I didn't smell anything.  I cannot sit down and breathe someone else's methane.  I don't like smelling my own.  We kept talking.  And he finally rose up to sit next to me.  I was wearing clothes to reveal my body.  So with the slightest movements he was already touching my nipples and my chest and stomace.  Skin to skin. 

I unwrapped him like a mummy.  He had clothes on top of clothes on top of shirts tucked into his underwear that were tucked into his shoes.  If he weren't a desk clerk, I would have sworn he was a bag lady with all of the layers of clothing he was wearing.

We sat in the hotel lobby, from 3 to 4am feeling on each other with our bodies partially exposed.  And we were interrupted only once by the newspaper delivery man who ran in, saw us rapidly fixing our clothes--and then he ran out, more concerned with his delivery than watching gay groping in LA.

It was getting late.  I was getting tired.  And the front deskman was still all over me. He went to plant a kiss on me and I moved my face.  I wasn't interested in kissing him.  I went to give him a hug and he used that as his chance to plant a big, wet, open mouthed kiss on my lips.

I was digusted.  I didn't open my mouth or move my face to reciprocate the kiss.  There were a number of reasons what I didn't kiss him, but the major one was that he had just awakened.  And I knew his breath was probably a bit tired or tart. 

It was.  And when he stopped kissing me.  My lips and the skin around my mouth were all covered in a mild slightly offensive to the smell, slime.  I gave him a hug and wiped my face on his jacket.  Why do guys dare to kiss you when they have just done things like "eating someone else's ass" or they just woke up.

He went in for another mouth attack and I literally had to push him away and tell him that I was going to sleep.

But my dream was right.  He was hiding a nice body under those clothes.  And who would have thunk it?  He had a huge dick.  When I met him at first behind the front desk, I would have never known that he was a solid short guy with a big pipe.  But I guess that's why I went to the front to find out.

He wanted to come back to my room with me, but I refused.  The combination of foul smells wasn't doing much for me.  And in the morning, when he came by room to take me to breakfast (and drive me to the airport after we got busy) I politely declined.  Pushy, gassy, and stinky.

Not great combinations.

Comments

[Procrastination_xtravaganza]

Um, I'm hella late on this one, but the lingering question I have for you is, who tried to kiss you after "eating someone else's ass?" What the hell situation were you in?

[taylor Siluwé]

Fart stories are always funny. The guy probably hoped you thought it was the chair squeaking or something.

[Spencer]

DOH!

[E]

Okay. That was interesting...*LOL*.

[Quentin Ergane]

... are you *having* sex anymore?

[Thawtz]

tears. i swear that's what you just had me in. tears, B. that's some funny ass shit

[sunny]

Your azz knew you aint want that boy from the moment you saw him...lol See? So this is what happens when 'the sex' gets bored. You end up interacting with random semi naked large penises... lol

[Reddy]

I'm kracking up way too hard at this one.. He farted for real? Ohhhhh hell 2 the naw.

[kristen]

LOL

but what i liked about this story is the guy's apparent ignorance that he just farted. i'm pretty sure that you made a facial expression that matched mine when i read this story. you gotta ask yourself what would make an ordinary person just ignore his own damn farts...

wishing that you had farted instead? Bernard that's just wack!

but it did make me consider that you have a really embarrassing fart story of your own...
i wanna hear it!

[Linear]

Yet another example of be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.