The Down Low Performer

I (kinda sorta) want the man in this picture.  nnenna (left) vaughn (right) from ANTM Cycle 6

Could The Sex be sexed out?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I am really tired and exhausted.  I am convinced that we live in a world of crazy people who don't think.  That must be the only reason that people like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are millionaires, and that we have television shows like The Fabulous Life Of to make us feel inadequate and longing for riches that we will not only never have...but that we really don't need.

I am an insomniac.  I rarely get any sleep.  I work crazy hours.  I barely get paid enough to pay my rent.  Hell, you've read my opening statement.  But being the insomniac that I am, I like to surf the Internet at night.  Around 4am, I got an e-message on adam4adam.com from a guy claiming to have a huge dick wanting to get busy. 

Now, honestly, I wasn't particularly horny.  And I didn't for one minute believe that he had the ten inch dick that he claimed to have.  But I was in a mood.  A mood set off earlier in the evening when I was watching Nnenna from America's Next Top Model Cycle 6 while she was getting hot and heavy with Vaughn in her editorial photo shoot as a pharmaceutical chemist in Africa.  There was something about the way he had his hands all over her and the brief lip lock they shared at the end of the shoot that was incredibly sensual.  I didn't think he was all that cute--but the unspoken chemistry between the two of them was edible.

I sat and sighed to myself.  I wanted a cute fit boy with nice lips to gently brush his lips against mine, like the male model did with Nnenna.

Like I said.  It put me in a mood.  So at 4 o'clock in the morning, when the ten inch dick guy hit me up, I'd have to say I was more impressed by the cuteness of his picture than what he claimed to have between his legs.  He had a very nice face.  Somewhat cherubic--in an angel of vengence sort of way.  He definitely didn't look like someone to be fucked with.  He gave me his address and I was on my way--not far from Chicago's Ida B. Wells housing projects.

This guy lived in the hood.  And I rolled up to his crib on my car (my bike).  I thought the 8 mile round-trip bike ride would do me some good (I had just sucked down a strawberry milkshake that I made).  It took me less than twenty minutes to get to his place, and I rolled up and went into his place.

It was clear that someone else was in the worn down townhouse.  He told me that he took care of his grandmother.  And we sat in his living room where a straight porn flick was playing.  He pulled his jogging pants down and wanted me to start sucking his dick.

I felt very uncomfortable.  Coming into the warm apartment from the cold had my nose running.  His floors were hard tile, so getting on my knees to suck his dick wasn't the most comfortable thing--and of course I had to go through the whole--I don't suck dick without condoms thing.

I put the condom on his dick, and he got hard for a minute before going down.  I could smell marijuana in his crotch.  He had been smoking.  I knew that this guy was going to have a problem maintaining an erection.  I just knew it.

This condom is kinda bothering me, he said.  I didn't mind so much.  I was so uncomfortable in his place that I was kinda ready to go home.  We kept a lot of false starts.  Him wanting me to suck his dick, and then him wanting to try to fuck me.  All without him being able to get an erection.

And the whole time he just talked.  And constantly repeated himself:  I'm just not used to this...I mean I don't really fuck around with guys a lot... This isn't something I do everyday...I have a girlfriend....I really don't mess with guys...I've only had my dick sucked by a few guys....I was drining earlier...My people don't know about me...All I was looking for was a sex thang and that's it... I mean, you might be more comfortable with this cause it seems like you do this more often.

I told him that I understood that he wasn't used to it, but if all he was looking for was sex, then why did he keep talking so much.  He was very masculine.  But he fell into the category of the DL Performer.  The DL Performer is someone who is probably on the DL--but who goes to great length to tell you that he is on the DL.  To tell you that he has a girlfriend.  To tell you that he doesn't get with guys often.  To tell you that he doesn't want a relationship with a guy.  Even though you have NEVER asked him any details about his life, and even though you haven't made ANY hints that you were intersted in anything more than a quick romp in the sack.

And why do you think I do this more often, I asked.  Because you brought a bag of tricks, he replied.  He was referring to my F!CK bag--where I carry my assorted F!CK products like condoms and lube.  What, you just carry that around with you everywhere you go? he asked.  No, I responded, only when I expect to get together and fuck.  I like to be prepared. 

It was no wonder that the concept of coming prepared surprised him.  He continued volunteering more information about himself, I don't really fuck with condoms too much, because I usually just deal with girls.  I don't do this lube stuff--I just use vaseline.

When I told him that you can't use vaseline with condoms, he told me that he thought all lube was the same, like cocoa butter, baby oil, lotion, lube, and vaseline.  I started to go into how oil can break down the latex in a condom.  And I realized that I was exhausted.

Tired of dumb ass guys that don't know shit about their sexual health, or who do and refuse to be safe.  Tired of meeting guys who say they want sex but really want someone to chase after them and ask them a lot of questions and indulge their DL performance fantasies.

I just started putting my clothes on.  I had a 4 mile ride in front of me and a little more milkshake to work off.  I thought maybe on the way home I would think about how to go about finding a good looking man to put my hands on and let him brush his lips against mine.

Comments

[Marz]

MESS. MESS. MESS.

I didn't see the episode but I heard Vaughnn got hard on Nnenna.

Water based lubes DUH.

DL's are usually an eye roll and a half.

-Marz

[Lilegypt82]

DL guys are becoming more and more exhausting. There was time when I am sure it was cute and mysterious but there comes a time when we all get to old for bullshit. Furthermore, there are attractive young men out in this world waiting for them for them to apppear or to come into your life just gets frustrating.

[bernard bradshaw]

I can get indignant with someone waisting my time. Someone telling me that all he wants is a sexual hook-up and then uses all of that time telling me "Im DL". A true DL guy wouldn't go through the trouble, he'd be down to business. And as for him not knowing about sexual health. Anyone in 2006 above the age of 19 should know sexual health basics.

and Javier, with the fake email (you fake email ppl need to quit) what does my post have to do with broken hearts?

i swear, some of you people sometimes are clueless. but then, I shouldn't be surprised. You are the people that I am meeting and writing about.

sigh

[Javier]

It comes down to having some standards and respect. You can't get all indignant about the dude being DL and not knowing about sexual health when you are engaging in casual sex with someone you hardly know and chose to be sexual with someone you knew had a girlfriend or wife. Perhaps if we all had higher standards about what type of behavior we would engage in there wouldn't be so many broken hearts and bodies out there.

[TJ]

I just realized that's the dancing Joe Boxer guy....he has aged nicely.

[Quentin Ergane]

I agree, I didn't think Vaughn was any of that until he talked to Nnena and said, "I'll do anything you ask me to do" and... yes the freak in me went *woo!*

So when they were steaming it up and ish... We were ALL dying.

... I don't feed breeders... period... I like my dick gay. *shrugs* Enough drama from them than to add str8 or "str8" guys, too.

(Only because I made a stand against EVER hearing that monologue again...)

-- QE

[Huff]

In my opinion, instant hook-ups with guys are just a bad idea. Most of the time you end up with a fool or a freak. Because you barely know the guy, by the time you find out how screwed up they are, you've already wasted a trip and time on them.

[tL]

bernard, why are you always so negative? do you only want people who agree with you to post or read your blog? i'm a big fan on your podcast and i will continue to come back and listen. that should be enough. i don't need to kiss your ass to be a fan.

[Waddie Grant]

Vaughn is hot.

[naturalblkluv]

sometime u have to do your civic duty and inform the brotha and move on. u don't want to run into him again, or someone u know and he's infected.

[Troy]

I can so relate to this story, (as I can all of what you write) thank you for this. Chin up, it'll get better.

[bernard bradshaw]

TL, Get a clue or get your own website. How did I fuck it up if he couldn't get hard? And the hotel situation, how was that hot?

I guess I am picky if that means I don't want to kiss guys who have bad breath or listen to guys drone on incessantly about how DL they are.

I have both of their numbers, why don't you call them and fuck them if they were so hot.

-bernard bradshaw

[tL]

bernard, you are too damn picky. the whole setup sounded real hot, but here you go and fuck it up again, just like the hotel one.

1 thing i have to agree with though is i think that scene between nnena and vaughn last night made everybody horny as hell. and "not that cute", plllleeeeeeeeassssseeee. vaughn is my idea of perfection.

[Boogie]

Sorry about the disappointing hook-up. I know the feeling!