The Return (pt 1)

Anna Espinosa (played by Gina Torres)

Everybody loves a good comeback story.  We see life and popular culture littered with them.  America's first president to be treated like a black man (in some respects) was named the Comeback Kid when he placed second in the Democratic New Hampshire primaries in 1992.  Movies like the Karate Kid and Cinderella Man are filled with comeback stories. And everyone is still in awe that Mariah Scarey Carey staged the comeback of the millenium with her mega-hit album The Emancipation of Mimi.  The music industry had all but stuck a fork in her and called her done.

So therefore, it is with great happiness that I announce that I, Bernard Bradshaw, have made a comeback to the world of blogging.

It seems like I picked a great time--because one of my favorite television shows is also making a comeback for its series finale--ALIAS (the action filled spy drama on ABC).  These final episodes will see the return of all the past stars of ALIAS.  But none do I anticipate more than the awesomely amazing, evil secret agent Anna Espinosa, played by Gina Torres.

I've written about Señora Torres in the past.  She is the bomb.  Period.

And her character, Espinosa, is an inspiration to me.  Especially when I decide to go CIA--which is what my friends tell me I do when I go undercover to try to trap someone.

Trap someone?

Read further.

A while ago, I told the story of TRACY.  TRACY was a brother that doublebooked and had someone arrive at his place minutes before I walked up to his condo. He gave me some excuse that his female cousin had just come over to talk to him--which I knew was a lie. 

Upset, I went home.   The anger, mixed with my raging, unreleased hormones, was boiling and bubbling.  What was I going to do?

I looked in the mirror.  I looked scruffy as hell.  My hair was a bit longer than usual.  I hadn't shaved in a few weeks.  And I remembered that I was wearing my fake Payless Shoes Source wanna-be Timberlands--and they were really scruffed up.  I won't say I looked a mess--but one could say I looked a bit rough around the edges--if I had any edges. 

I sat down on the edge of my tub.  I thought about Anna.  I reconsidered the doublebooking.  I dialed *69 to ensure privacy and dialed his number.  I didn't want to speak to him.  I wanted to hear his voicemail.  I needed more information.  His recorded voice came over the other end of the phone and said that I had reached TRACY, and that he was unable to come to the phone and for me to leave a message.

Then the voicemail gave me a gift.  TRACY repeated the message in brazilian Portugese (in an accent not like that of a beginner, but definitely not of a native or someone who had attained fluency).  An eyebrow raised, and an anxious feeling filled my torso--tingling, electric.

I stood up and looked at the mirror again. My scruffy face had a big smile on it.

It was clear what I had to do. 

I created a screename on the website where I met TRACY and named myself brasileno (as though I was a native of Brazil).  I put a picture of my muscular back on the Internet.  I even put a few brazilian portuguese phrases on my profile.  And then I signed on for the next week and waited. 

And waited.

and waited.

Until one day, my fish bite the line.  TRACY sent me a message in portuguese asking me how I was doing.

It was about three weeks since TRACY doublebooked.  I was so ecstatic.  I teased him--told him that I was relaxing.  I knew his weekness.  He was an brasileno-phile.  He wasn't brazilian, but obviously wanted to impress people with his knowledge of portuguese.  And I am sure, from his accent that he had spent some time in Brazil.  Unfortunately (for him), he was dealing with somone who spoke the language better than he did.  And I was goin to bake him for it.

We exchanged numbers.  We talked.  He was just as charming as he was the last time.  But this time he seemed REALLY interested.  We talked about brazilian music--bossa nova, samba, the singer Caetano Velso.  I told him that I had this great album that he had to listen to.

Why don't you bring it over now?  he asked. 

GOTCHA! I thought.

Sure, I can do that. I told him.  It was about 1am in the morning.  I had been waiting for this moment for weeks.

It was time to execute the next step in my plan.  He had seen me already.  How was I going to play this?  What would Anna Espinosa do?  Create an alias of course.

I had already created an alias--changing my voice and name and pretending to be brazilian.  Now I change to my appearance.  The good news is that I do this very well.

Remember, when I met him three weeks ago I was scruffy as hell.  I had a a scrawny beard.  Hair all over my head, and I had on a frumpy jacket.

As soon as I got off the phone with him, I shaved my head and my flace and put on a pair of heavy plastic framed eyeglasses.  I snatched up a leather coat to add some sleekness.  There was nothing frumpy about me at all. 

I looked in the mirror.  I cleaned up very well.  But would it be enough?  Would I look different enough so that he wouldn't recognize me?  Heck, it had only been three weeks ago.  But, he had seen me for less than 2 minutes at night.

I hoped on my car (my bike) and road over his house with the quickness.  I was nervous and excited all at once.  Wondering if my plan was going to work.  Wondering if my inner Anna Espinosa would be successfull enough for me to fool TRACY get into his apartment and exact my sexual revenge on his for doublebooking on me.  Would it work?

I rang his doorbell.  TRACY opened the door...

Comments

[Jyl]

Where are you? Where is the end of the story?

[My Inner Hell]

I like. Great site.

[kristen]

bitch. finish the damn story :)

[Linear]

Sydney and Will.

That's all I'm sayin'....

[Quentin Ergane]

Love the new layout -- it's HOT.

[E]

I was wondering where you've been. I'll have to remember not to ever cross you..:-)

I so can't wait for part II.

[Soldier]

Good to see u back man !
First thing i notied was the return to the brown background. reminds of ur page a few weeks ago.

ANyway u're hilarious as usual how did u learn portuguese ?

[Quentin Ergane]

err... curse YOU

[Quentin Ergane]

CURSE YOUR BERNARD BRADSHAW!!!!

*shakes fist for added crustiness*