The First Move (pt 2)

It was 12:30 am, and I was sitting in a well decorated apartment watching VH1 Soul music videos.  Preceeding this was the  thirty minute ending of the Morgan Freeman, Along Came A Spider.  I was sitting in a stranger's apartment.  A small framed chocolate brother who had invited me over his place for a late night freak session.

The only problem was...there was no freaking.

I couldn't tell whether he wasn't interested, or if he was just waiting for me to make the first move.  The conversation was mostly non-existent, but when it occurred, it was largely awkward.  Our conversation on the phone was a lot of fun.  He was a blunt person, who seemed to be forward.   I was impressed, because at one point in the conversation I told him that I would call him back and he said, Don't be one of those guys who says they are going to call back and doesn't.  A nigga ain't shit, if he can't keep his word. 

To quote Tina Turner from the song Fool in Love, The truest thing, that I've ever heard.

I was reminded of the quandary that DYLAN my friend in London asked me, When you go over someone's place, who is supposed to make the first move?

Regardless of who's place I am at, I am always expected to make the first move.  If we are at my apartment, guys expect me to make the first move because it is MY place, and the onus is on my to get the party started.  I can't tell you the countless times that I have been told, This is your place, I'm just following your lead.  It's frustrating.

But then, when I go over someone's house, they expect me to make the first move.  In these cases, they reason that they want me to feel comfortable and to initiate things when I am ready. 

B to the ULLSHIT.

I'll tell you what's on these people's minds.  When it comes down to it, place doesn't really matter.  I'll tell you a little secret:

No one wants to be rejected.

Therefore, we create little rules and rationales to explain away our fear of rejection.  One of the things that most people fear is unrequited affection--to like someone or desire them, and not experience reciprocity.  That's why we always want other people to make the first move.  And we will come up with a lot of reasons so that we don't have to be the first to make that move.

I know I'm guilty of it sometimes.  But I am reminded of a lyric from the Natasha Bedingfield song Unwritten (which will be on the Sex and the Second City soundtrack), when she says, Live your life with arms wide open.  There is something delightful about that line.  Not just that we live our life to let all things in, but we live without fear.

Usually its the fear that gets in the way.  Repeatedly.

I am usually the person that makes the first move, if I get the slightest signal that someone is interested.  But tonight, sitting in the well manicured apartment of the short guy--I didn't feel like it.  I wasn't altogether sure that he was interested.  There was some fear--but there was also a feeling that I just wanted someone else to be active with me.

After a number of awkward conversational exchanges, including a ping-pong match of What do you want to talk about? and Why did you come over/have me over at this late hour?  The short guy turned into the blunt person that I met on the phone, and he said, Why don't you take off your pants so I can see the color of your underwear?

I smiled on the inside.  Or was it simply that my dick had just jumped?

Comments

[Quentin Ergane]

I agree with Dylan and Kristen and Procrastination.

But you are so right. I have been putting myself in the face of rejection because I need to get over my own fear of it. Yeah, yeah, I am partnered and blah, but that doesn't mean all your problems as a person goes away. Love does a lot of things, it even heals you, but it don't hide your shit from yourself... instead it manifests itself in other ways...

My fear of rejection has made me stand still in the most awful of ways. So I am starting to risk it.

I need interest, too.

I love Cardinal signs!

[Dylan]

An hour to ask for the colour of your underwear?? thats rather weak in my books..
The host should lead the way into sex, if a guy is in ur apartment in the middle of the night,then the hard bit is over so get on with it..

[Procrastination_xtravaganza]

LOL I'm with Kristen - who gives a shit what color your underwear is - I wanna see the color and size of your dick and ass inside them! I mean really!?

At this point, i've just resigned myself to be the aggressor/initiator/whatever you wanna call it. People are punks. Fear of rejection, shyness, i'm over it all.

I will say, if I'm the guest, I'll wait for some kinda sign that he's interested before I dominate,..I'll let him ask me to remove my shoes, or get comfortable, offer me something, ask if I'm in a rush - these are things to me that usually indicate interest, and some kinda manners. If I'm sitting there with my jacket and shoes on with no drink in my hand after 5-10 minutes and aint nokinda convo goin on, either he's REALLY shy, or not interested, and I can't be bothered with either.

I'm curious, how good was this situation? Cause knowing me, I'd probably oblige the "underwear color" inquiry, knowing deep inside that I wouldn't be satisfied if we got down to it...we'll talk offline.

[j]

y

[carl]

Hey Bernard!!! ... A friend here in India ... Got lap top recently and wanted to connect back to U.S. and find out what I have been missing in your active sex life ... Liked your bareback posts and it opened my eyes to my own past misjudgments. As much as I love it (being a top and all) risks still avail ... Trust ... peace of mind is big on my list nowadays ... But damn, everyone seems to be going bareback crazy in the U.S. ...

All I have to say is bacterial infections come in all colors ...

Better to save the kinkiest, nasty sex for someone u know and has your best interest at hand ...

I will stay tuned as reading sex blogs and looking at porn can sometimes be much better than random hookup

[kristen]

after all that, THIS is what he asks you? damn am i the only one thinking why did it take him nearly an hour to come up with this line?

i hope dude was a real freak to make up for this mess