What's The Malfunction?

This has been a long time in the making.  I cannot keep doing this.  I am fed up with having sex with strangers. 

Fed up.

I'll be talking about this tomorrow, but I am going through some serious changes.  And the men that I have met throughout the history of this blog have just fucking exhausted me.  And it all came to a head last week.

I was on the telephone chat line with a guy who was not too far from my neighborhood.  At first he gave me an address that was literally 3 blocks from my apartment.  Such a close proximity had me salivating.  I told him that I would get ready, and call him right before I was leaving.  I cleaned up and gave him a call, and asked him to give me his exact address.  He told me, Actually, I don't stay on the street I told you, I live on X street.  X street?, I thought.  I told him, That's more than a mile away from the original spot you named.  He replied, Yeah, well that's still pretty close.

For a person in a car, he was somewhat correct.  But for me--a man whose car is a bike--its annoying.

With hesitation, I told him that I would come over.  About 20 minutes later, I arrived at his place.  He lived in a basement apartment.  He was a relatively fit, dark skinned man.  He had an amazing porn video playing on the television--two well built, well hung black men were banging a white woman VIGOROUSLY.  I exhaled at the sight.

We went to his bedroom, and I was so horny that I was rock hard.  He told me that he wanted to fuck me.  His dick was nice, I pulled out a condom and wrapped him up.  I was ready to get down.  He went to fuck me, and his dick went soft.

He looked at me, This condom is cutting off my circulation.  He played with it a little more and said, This is too tight, it doesn't feel good.  I looked at him, and I was totally disgusted.  And I thought, Man, you're dick isn't that big. 

But then I realized that wasn't the voice in my head speaking.   I had actually said those words outloud.

I looked at his face, and he was visibly pissed at my critique of his rod.  I didn't care.  I was so tired of this: The guy who can't get hard with a condom.

I know you're thinking, Damn Bernard, you're so harsh.  Everybody has erection problems once in a while.  You'd be absolutely right.  Many people do have problems with erections at various times.  But there was something about his condom is to tight statement that sounded like a big fat lie.

And one minute later, his lie revealed itself when he asked me, So can I just stick it in for a minute?

I looked at him.

He wanted to stick his nasty dick in my ass bareback.  He had no intention of having sex with a condom.  For me the whole mood was ruined. 

Can't I just meet a guy, have some functional sex without the stupid shit?  Why do you want to fuck me raw?  What's the malfunction?

I grabbed my clothes and put them on and left.  I'm tired of wondering why people want to endanger me.  Why, in this day and age they don't want to protect themselves.  I am just plain ole  e x h a u s t e d.

Like I said, I'm really fed up with this bullshit.  It's time for a change...

Comments

[James]

The lame excuse is one thing. But perhaps you should carry female condoms and use them for anal sex. You can insert them hours before use and then whomever you're with doesn't have to wear one. and you don't have to hear that lame "my dick's too big" shit. I can mail you free ones if you like.

[Oscar]

yo bernard
you need to start telling those guys off, they need to learn the importance of safe sex.

anyway, you need to podcast more, i'm dying for the next show

[Procrastination_xtravaganza]

Several people can't keep an erection with a condom on. For the great majority of them, it's mental. They are enamored with raw sex and cant get as aroused with the latex barrier.

Someone mentioned condom makers looking into more comfortable and fun condoms. I think the latter is probably more important. Unless you're huge, or specifically buy extra small condoms, the majority of standard size ones will fit, and not hurt - in any scenario, a condom "cutting off" circulation would likely aid an erection rather than prevent one, as it's positioning would better prevent blood from leaving the penis, similar like a cockring, if you find any condom that well designed, let me know the brand!

Anyway, one of the biggest challenges society faces here is how to make people want to wear condoms, obviously the current ad campaign, "do it for your health" just aint incentive enough. The risk that you might get sick is one many are willing to take, because, you wont get an STD from every raw encounter, and the majority of common STI's out there are curable - so people say, it feels better and its sexier so fuck it. It's akin to bike helmets, people didnt/don't wear them because "I look cooler without that shit on my head, and I've never fallen off my bike yet!" More and more people wear bike helmets now, due to a combination of increased safety awareness, law enforcement, and styling - check out any bike shop today, the helmets look a hell of a lot sleeker than they did 10-15 years ago and it really makes the difference.

Condoms need to be fun, they need to be cool, sexy, cheap(er), they need to warm up and transfer body heat (polyurethane anyone?!) People need not to be made to feel like they are eating a plate full of brussel sprouts just to get the chocolate cake, or hot cross buns - if you know what I mean. The condoms themselves need to be the frosting on the cake, frosting made of peace of mind - bring your own milk.

[That Dude]

Wassup Bernard,

I too am tired of the casual sex. As much as I love sex, it just got boring.

But I have never run into a dude that couldn't keep his dick hard with a condom on. That's some crazy shit.

[nOva]

but what I keep coming back to is (LOL) "Man, you're dick isn't that big."

Pretty much renders his excuse null.

[Linear]

I wonder how many women stand up to their male partners like that.

I wonder why so many gay men are currently enarmoured with bareback sex.

I wonder why we have forgotten about HIV.

I wonder why Bernard doesn't invite me over -mind you I don't live in Chicago - I'll wear a condom. ;^)

I wonder if the barebackers don't care or are just that stupid.

I wonder why condom makers haven't tapped into this market to make more comfortable condoms that are safe and fun.

I wonder if Bernard will ever find happiness.

[Jyl]

No, you need to tell these guys that your health and life is the most important thing. Casual sex with strangers should always without fail include some sort of protection.

And this one doesn't sound like any great loss. He dicked you around in the beginning and he dicked you around when you got there and in turn he didn't get dicked.

[Cash S.]

After reading some of your previous post, you do seem to meet quite a few people with this "problem". That's interesting. I don't think you were harsh at all. It's your health and you should be responsible for it.

[E]

Oh wow...it's cool that you're getting the epipheny now.